wanntoknehbengz,

2010-09-06T21:15:00.005+08:00

said it.

now i don’t know how long this is gonna last.. but i foresee a very long and tiring week. and i really do not know what to feel. worried and sad seem to be what i feel. the colour i see are blue and black. i know life and death is really part of nature. but so is grieving and mourning.

will a sudden departure be better, or will being constantly soaked in the spirit of sadness and worries and all be better?

looks like i’m not talking much sense here either. and all i can do now is just hope for the best.

all said life's a bed of roses

so it totally means that life's comfortable isnt it?

BUT, why should it be,

when roses have thorns??

2010-09-03T16:06:00.005+08:00

term 3 is finally over.. as in like..

Over.

but i felt so so crappy after that. no sense of accomplishment or anything. but i know God will bring me thru it no matter what.

in my opinion, ive improved in my ca2 results especially in math and accounts. both scored A1. yay me. LOL. so tak perlu sehh. when theres two A1s means theres two F9s too. hahahs. theyre my combined humans (history), and combined sci. in this one week, its time to polish up both of em'. hopefully,

all of a sudden, i felt burnt out, i felt tired, and frankly speaking, i think that 24 hours of sleep is not enough. what is happening to me? i cant find any answer. anyone? mind helping me? or maybe its a mystery, not meant to be solved. no one know except the above.

tmr, is NOP, night of power, lailatul qadar @singapore islamic hub <(where the heck is that?) should i go ?? syirrahbengz helped me to register. if never go mcm rasa bersalah gitu. how how?? syabil.. shakir.. fareez.. fawwaz.. are you going?? please say yes. at least got teman. ahh, nevermindlah. ill go for allah.

till the next post, ♥

2010-09-01T18:25:00.005+08:00

the end of something, brings about the beginning of something.

this end is probably one of the more overwhelming one that i’ve experienced. with just ONE issue, and i’m this overwhelmed. i dont know what to expect in future. or perhaps, its just gonna be a one-off experience for me.

performing in front of the whole is nerve-wreckin. totally. together, me & anna performed a mash-up song.

we suffer through hard and pains from the teachers in charge. they nearly wanna remove us from the performance :( but we DID IT. im proud of ya sis! WE specially dedicated this to our esteemed teachers, esp Mr Seck who'd been my form and math teacher for 3 years straight. a teacher whose full of caring and understanding to his students.

im just thankful, and have always been thankful for all the help ive been getting whenever i need them. be it when i scream for help or not. its definitely a blessing from up above.

this august has lots of events. i wish to type and talk about it more further. but i cant. each event that happened, needs million words to describe, regardless of the ones i hate nor i loved.

raya is comin soon, and im not in the mood for it. idk why. it seems different from the previous years. oh allah, help me. :(

ohh ezah,

i know all that about you seems too good, but its true.

thank you for loving me when i’m good, when i’m bad

thank you for loving me when i’m happy, when i’m sad

thank you for loving me despite all the wrong things i’ve done against you

thank you for never ever giving up on me..

i appreciate.

wanntoknehbengz, is my new nick :) shirrahbengz gave me the idea. haha. thanks! :D

2010-08-19T22:47:00.008+08:00

Oh, tonight I’m feeling fine I’m alone, just wasting time

No Thursday movie nights Or romantic candle lights

I’m just having conversations with the thoughts in my head

All I hear are demons crying. Oh, won’t they just sing instead

It would be wrong for me to say

thats what my desk looks like now. messy, -.-

i dont know what the heck im doin now. felt lost for a sudden. felt like im at an open field, lying down, staring at those gorgeous sparkling stars. starting to breathe and fake a smile. carrying all wild thoughts and simply returning em' where they belong. heart beats so imperfectly. SQUABBLES. im lookin up to god, that will never leave us and forsake us.

10th of ramadhan also tmr. 20 days more to go. PATIENCE. my fasting month had been alright so far, hope to keep it up :)

2 MORE DAYS ♥

2010-08-16T17:53:00.002+08:00

i’m very tired, but i can’t sleep. i doubt its the caffine, and i blame my over imaginative mind. in any case, i thought that instead of tossing and turning to no end whatsoever, i should engage in some sort of an activity. so here i am.

i’m amazed by everything that is happening in my life actually.

just a year ago, we were strangers
just a year ago, we were continents apart
just a year ago, we were the opposite.

a year later, we met
a year later, we befriended
a year later, you become a part of me..

all of a sudden, uncertainty seems beautiful. but, this only seem so, when we look back.

indeed, life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.

so maybe, next year this very time, things will remain the same, for all of us.

6 more days to our secondth month. ♥

2010-08-10T18:25:00.003+08:00

i got this from a blog that i came across with..

“Kat: How can anyone be afraid of love?
Acheron: How can they not? When you love someone… truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt-you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it’s crippling-like having your heart carved out. It leaves you naked and exposed, wondering what you did to make them want to hurt you so badly when all you did was love them. What is so wrong with you that no one can keep faith with you? That no one can love you? To have it happen once is bad enough… but to have it repeated? Who in their right mind would not be terrified of that?

- Devil may cry”

i've promised myself, today will be the last day im on internet until exams are over. i really hope to do well this time. proving my family ill bring pride to them.

confirm ill miss playin cs with [EVO] s , ill try to find time,

ramizah syng, i love you very much, till the end of time. ♥

till then..

2010-08-08T18:47:00.003+08:00

thoughts of a mind with too much time

i guess , when you have lots of time.
the one thing you'll tend to do is think.

and alot.

and i have been thinking.

and been considering many things from many angles.

and i've come to many a realization.

some things are just fated to be.

i guess many things are just what you imagine them to be.

and the reality might just not be what you want it to be.

but you should just accept it for what it is. and move along.

there's no point brooding over it. but human nature is always as such.

what could have been ?

if it's meant to be , fate will hand you a second chance.

2010-08-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

imy, D:

2010-08-06T23:39:00.001+08:00

AWESOMEZXC. CLAPS*

2010-08-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

2010-08-06T23:10:00.002+08:00

cool ehh?

2010-08-06T20:23:00.002+08:00

there’re always good days and bad days. at the end of it all, its whichever you choose to feel. the past 2 days, i chose to be grumpy and gloomy. as if the whole world owe me a living. i wanted to be pampered, i wanted attention perhaps and more. but yet, i was feeling fine being angsty.

but you never stopped caring.

thank you for showing me love like this.

calling me from miles away
entertaining my every whine and whims online
checking on me every other free time you have
giving me more food because you think i am having too little
staring at me with the killer stare when i was being greedy with something i’m allergic to
opening the mangoesteen for me because i suck at it

so thank you. you have been my princess. yes. you, you, and you.

iloveyou,ezah

2010-06-27T09:22:00.000+08:00

Wie geht es Ihnen?!
Haha, this actually means 'How are you?' in German. :))

Time check: 9.23am
#nowplaying: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

Just got back from the 20th highest mountain in the world, the massive Mount Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. Well, maybe not just but on Thursday which was 3 days ago. Pains and aches can still be felt. Pheww, I almost can't make it to the top but with the support and encouragement from the guides, bestie Fawwaz and my dear Ezah, I made it. I felt so sorry and helpless for Fawwaz as he didn't made it due to altitude sickness. Don't be sad okay. You've tried your very best.

Mount K is 4095m high above sea level and it's at Low's Peak. It's named after the first person who reached the peak. I think, I'm not quite sure. LOL. Just by looking at figures, it may seem chicken feet. Try going there and see what what happen. :> Haha, i'll lol hardly. Temperature's as cold as 5degrees and a blow of the wind could make your whole body shiver. It's a good experience tho.

Thanks Syabil for the Same, Same, But Different shirt. It's nice and appreciated. Xie Xie Ni hor.

I'm posting with my iTouch cos im now on the bed typing. Haha, easier.

Later around 10am, I need to go to my Ummie house for 2nd round of massage. The first was on Friday and goddamn it's pain!! It's just pain lahh. Shout here, shout there, shout shout everywhere. LOL. She said today I need to go for a 2nd time to cool down my body. Argh!!

Till next post.
(maybe it's a year later or so)

Syazzy.
Iheartyouh, bby. :*

2010-06-17T02:02:00.005+08:00

Haloo. :}

Time check: 3.09am

#nowplaying: Marcoz Hernandez - If You Were Mine

I've tranformed into Syazwan now. Hehee. I finally decided to sit down and type. Well, actually i'm not even sitting down, i'm on the bed with my lappy on my lap.

Ohkay, let's begin,

Had an awesome day out with Ramizah. Went to beach road, bought some Mount K's stuff and yeah it raining. Puddles of water everwhere. Luckily my umbrella came to a good use. Lol. I bought my waterproof casing for hp and my cover for watch. Totalled, it's $6.50 but bargained to $5. Hee. Then Ramizah bought her headlamp also at $5. Bright you know, kalah kan my $16.90 headlamp~ Total regrettness in me. Nvm nvm. I want to buy a Balaclava but after seeing it, i had a second-thought. CANCELED. Yeah, that's the only items that we bought at Beach Road. LOL.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, we headed to Bugis next. Finally found a Cotton On shop which Ramizah favoured the most. She was like, 'Wan, wan, lawa kan baju ni? ' Haha. Nvm, next time i buy for you okay, insyallah. :) And you know what, we bought tickets for Karate Kid baby! And it's tiring to find the ticket counter. Went up&down findin for it. Herh~ Movie starts at 4pm and we have roughly 45mins more. So we went to this mall opposite Bugis Village which i called the kotak-kotak building, in eng: 'the checkered building'. It has a super duper long elavator in it. Sadly, i didn't ride it. You know why? Coz, we spotted it only when we were at 4th flour and then elevator only heads up not down. Bloody, which designer designed that stupid thing. Haiyo. Oh yea, KARATE KID, BOOMZ TO THE CORE. It's funny! But Jaden Smith always kana bullied by that bastard China guy. Walao. Haha. Noob. Ended ard 6.15pm and headed home. We were freezing and shivering in there, i think Mount K is gonna be twice of that, heh! Thanks for the souvenir you bought for me when you're in KL. I loved itt. Arigato Gozaimasu!! :DD

Just wanna say:

It's made not MAKE. Tense error. Ahahaa. ♥

2010-06-15T20:20:00.004+08:00

Hello. :D

Obviously this is not Syazwan, this is Ramizah! :D Im here to update for this lazybump's blog. weeee~ So, currently, he's watching berita as Syabil's on the screen. Im here updating for him. Tomorrow, will be going out with him to uh, idk where. Haha. Out to buy things for Mount Kinabalu. Im nervous, idk why. LOL. Left with 5 days and yet i havent even started packing, idk if Wan have started or not. There's still a long list of shopping to do and i hope by tomorrow, im done with shopping and start with packing. teehee~ Cant wait for Mount Kinabalu expedition, i hope it's fun. Especially when you're around. weee~ Till here then. Will update once again if Wan is just wayy too lazy. :D

2010-06-07T01:08:00.002+08:00

Heyho!

She's AWESOME. :DD

Monday, May 31, 2010

2010-05-31T19:42:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging in the last day of May now. Goodbye May. You've been a good month. See you next year. Hopefully,

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! Hahaa. When insanity invades me, anything can happen. Wanna say goodbye to my bestfriend, Syabil, whose going to Vietnam for a excursion till 4th June. Take care of ya self and bring back some goodies for me! JK. :)Fawwaz, Robbie, Fareez and this another guy, not sure what's his name, is not going for Mount Kinabalu hike. Wth sia? There will be no fun. No laughter. All these training have gone to waste. SobSob. Nvm, there's always a next time, yeah??

Screww Justin Bieber with his new Never Say Never song. FARK YOU. Still can't believe why everyone adore him so much. Haha. No offence yaw!

Tmr's Mount K. training again. Grr. So tiring. Holidays are not holidays. They just pretend to be one. Haish.

Till next time,
Adios!

haish

2010-05-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

Dear Math,
I don't want to solve your problems.
I have my own to solve.

Tuesday, May 24, 2010

2010-05-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

Today was hella FUN and TIRED. :}

Syabil, Fawwaz and Me went to Victoria JC which was located at Bedok for a YOG Sports Conference where we learn more about YOG and the sports in the YOG. Mr Lim brought us there by his car and it was like a hell inside there. He asked us lots and lots of questions like as if it's a team bonding session. Grr. I felt so sad for our dearest friend, Wesley, whose unable to attend just now as he was sick. Well, just wanna say, GET WELL SOON!! :)

OhGawd, due to tmr's Dry Shooting Practise@HTA, I can't come for the Opening Ceremony at Suntec City! Walao, not fair ehh... Shitbag! Screw Youhh Npcc. LOL. Nvm, at least I'm taking up Muay Thai course on Thursday and I won't be coming to school. Muahaha!

Still haven't polish boots and iron uniform yet. Haiya, so tired. And somemore, that Mr Lim want us to give him a brief description and goals of why we wanna climb Mount Kinabalu either by tmr or Wed. So leceh wan ehh. NOOB.

That's about it.
See ya. :/ :/

Saturday, May 22, 2010

2010-05-23T00:07:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's been a LONG, LONG time since i last blogged and I've changed my Blog Music. There's some malay songs in the playlist so all those non-malays would obviously won't understand it. I'm not trying to be racist, lol. The first Mid-year's just ended and it's now time for the June Holidays where everyone's been waiting for. Lot's of stuff i encountered during the last time i blogged till now. I wish i could write them all down but due to my laziness, FORGET IT. Hah. (:

Hmm, i'm posting this as i just wanna revive my blog that's all. And i know you all out there reading this crap don't even care, right? Lol. I seriously feel like jumping off from a high building and don't want to be exist in this small world. Idk why. I'm tired of all this nonsensecity happening to me now and i don't want to suffer anymore. I'm so super down right now. Haish.

Mount Kinabalu Expedition is on 20 till 24 June, 5D4N trip. Yeah, it sounds interesting but the trainings, can kill you. LOL. Next Saturday, i'll be heading to MacRitchie Reservoir for a 10-12km run and that'll determines whose going for the expedition and those who are not. That is completely GAY. Mr Lim said the temperature up there can be as cold as 6-7 Degrees Celsius. WOW. I'm gonna be like as if i'm in the freezer. But, who cares about the temperature. CHEY.

This will be just a short post. Till next time.

ISLY, you.

2010-05-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

i just need time, that's all. but it's hard.

2010-04-24T15:12:00.001+08:00

"I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don’t change when everything else does."

2010-04-12T17:47:00.008+08:00

Goodness, it's 5.47pm now, raining heavily and still at school. -.-"

I'm SO SUPER DUPER hungry and I wanna go home!! Can't believe im actually saying this.
I'm doing research on International Friendship Day, doing my outstanding POA homework and blogging; multi-tasking is what they say. See how committed am i to POA world. :)

WE HAVE TWO FREE PERIODS TODAY! and this is the first bloody time that the most awesome teacher didn't come. Try and guess who? Haha, its MR CHAI! He gave us test although he's not there. WHAT THE~ And the other is Ms Lee Xue Fen, our bio teacher.

Oh yea, there's this group of girls currently in this lab calling themselves: SUPER INSANE a.k.a. GILAS who thinks that this computer lab session is a hairdressing salon. They tied my hair like as if i have long hair and they are forcing me, not i want ah!!~ The guy currently right next to me is Wesley Ang, the Great, to the left, Kah Hui. She's the preetiest girl in this school that almost the whole sec 2 boys ADORE her :) Behind me is Krystine, the sec 2 girl who has the most cutest voice, humble and nice. And to the front, is the Mighty Computer that allows me to blog on. Thanks.

Fyi, i'm bored. So this is what i do when im in this type of situation, posting lame stuffs.

Tomorrow's POP = Passing Out Parade. Which means our dear, lovely sec 4s, 5s and our 2 wonderful Cadet Inspectors are stepping down and WE are stepping up. MUAHAHA. lol. Feel so sad for them as they are the one who thought us everything. We appreciated it a lot. ♥

That's it. You know what, since i first started typing this post till now, it kept on raining and raining. I love rainy days but in this situation, maybe not. So, let's hope and pray together that this will stop. Good bye :D

2010-04-11T03:58:00.002+08:00

To whom it may concern: you,

Was that you saying something? Or probably i heard it wrongly. You couldn't have spoken more clearly to help me along but now it seems complicated, lacked of simplicity, and it all will finally, it will finally be over. I could have believed in anything that you could have told me. But I couldn't even understand what was under your breath. I would have believed anything you told me. But you couldn't speak at all. All I heard was the sound of breathing, your attempt to stall. Silence means nothing, silence is nothing, silence be nothing, so we could be alright. I could have believed in anything that you could have told me. Take this for what you're worth, your day is over and you never knew in the ways that I tried showing you. Come on, sometimes, you gotta let everything out straight from the heart. I just can't take it anymore. It can't be blamed. You don't deserve a chance. And i WILL forget you, mark my words.

Weakness Compels Strength. Betrayal Begets Blood.

2010-04-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

Romeo shouted,
" Hold on my dear! I don't think a packet of Gillette would be enough. I'll go get some more! "

2010-04-02T20:41:00.004+08:00

“Here’s a piece of advice; let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure there is someone out there who will love you even more.”

The fist & knuckles just went straight to the metal cupboard.
There's a little dent there.
Now that's anger from deep inside.
Overwhelming Anger = Potential Energy
Which could generate quite alot of Kinetic Energy.

In all honesty, I can't wait to get it over and done with.
Cause the feeling is killing me softly on the inside.

Maybe one day I'll write pages,
about how I'm always try to fight the feelings that coincide.
_______________________________________________________________

Tmr's kayaking one star course, gonna miss madrasah again. :'(

Up all night, got demons to fight.

2010-04-01T23:15:00.005+08:00

Up all night, got demons to fight.

It's not gonna be a good night. Thoughts thoughts and thoughts…

Another sleepless night
tears rolling down my face
as many many thoughts run wild in my head
i wanna be dead, i wanna be dead.

2010-03-31T20:56:00.008+08:00

Hey earthlings! :)

Went for dry shooting practice today @ Home Team Academy.

It's a small revolver and it may look like a damn freakin' toy gun or whatever.
It's a cute gun tho but the parts are countless; barrel, stock, trigger guard, ejector and a lot more! We're only allowed to shoot 16 rounds, first 8 rounds is 9m away from the target and the rest 15m away. That's far. Maximum mark is 80 and you need at least 60 to pass the marksmanship badge. Wish me luck next week.

Tmr's cross country @ Admiralty Park. Can't wait! Boys- 4.6km, girls- 3km. WHAT THE~ Not fair manzx. Gotta report at 7.15am for council duty. Wanna have a good rest like what Mr Lim said. Byes.

Byebye & Nighties. ;D

2010-03-31T06:28:00.001+08:00

Love feels no burden.
Thinks nothing of trouble.
Attempts what is above its strength.
Pleads no excuse of impossibility.

Love?

2010-03-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

What is Love?

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-Syazwan

Bored.

2010-03-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

My personality:

* I’m loud.
* I’m obnoxious.
* I’m sarcastic.
* I’m cocky.
* I cry easily.
* I have a bad temper.
* For the most part, I don’t like people.
* I’m easy to get along with.
* I like to fight.
* I have more enemies than friends.
* I’ve smoked.
* I’ve smoked weed.
* I drink coffee.
* I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

* I wear makeup.
* I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
* I wear contacts.
* I wear glasses.
* I’ve had braces.
* I have braces.
* I used to change my hair color often.
* I straighten my hair often.
* My ears are pierced.
* I have small feet.

Relationships:

* I’m in a relationship now.
* I’m single.
* I’m crushin’.
* I’ve missed an ex before.
* I’m always scared of being hurt.
* An ex has physically abused me at least once.
* I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
* I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
* I’ve been in love more than two times.
* I believe in love at first sight.
* I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships:

* I have a best friend.
* I have at least ten friends.
* I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
* I’ve beaten up a friend.
* I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.
* I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences:

* I’ve been on a plane.
* I’ve been on a train.
* I’ve left the country.
* Someone close to me has died.
* I’ve taken a taxi.
* I’ve taken a city bus.
* I’ve taken a school bus.
* I’ve gone bungee jumping.
* I’ve made a speech.
* I’ve been in some sort of club.
* I’ve won an award.
* I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.
* I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music:

* I listen to country.
* I listen to pop.
* I listen to techno.
* I listen to rock.
* I listen to indie.
* I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.
* I hate the radio.
* I download music.
* I buy CD’s.

Television:

* I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
* I watch soap operas daily.
* I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
* I’ve seen and like The OC.
* I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.
* I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.
* I’ve seen and like Popular.
* I’ve seen and like House.
* I’ve seen and like 24.
* I’ve seen and like CSI.
* I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life:

* I get along with both of my parents.
* My biological parents are still together.
* I have at least one brother.
* I have at least one sister.
* I have at least one step brother/sister.
* I have at least one half brother/sister.
* I’ve been kicked out of the house.
* I’ve ran away from my home.
* I’ve sworn at my parents.
* I’ve made my parents cry.
* I’ve lied to my parents.
* I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
* I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
* I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.
* I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

* I’ve been brown.
* I’ve had streaks.
* I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
* I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
* I’ve been blonde.
* I’ve been black.
* I’ve been red.
* I’ve been light brown.
* I’ve been medium brown.
* I’ve been purple/pink.
* I’ve been blue/green.
* I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
* I use conditioner.
* I’ve used silk therapy.
* I’ve used hot oil treatments.
* I’ve curled my hair.
* I’ve straightened my hair.
* I’ve ironed my hair.
* I’ve braided my hair.
* I’ve had dreadlocks.

School:

* I’ve yelled at a teacher.
* I’ve been suspended.
* I’ve had an in-school suspension.
* I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.
* I’ve walked out of class.
* I’ve thrown something at a teacher.
* I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
* I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.
* I’ve failed a test.
* I’ve cheated on a test.
* I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.
* I’ve failed Art.
* I’ve failed P.E.
* I’ve failed Math.
* I’ve failed another class.
* A teacher has called my parents.
* I’ve been caught skipping.